Texas Rangers: A Fan’s Guide to New Ballpark Food

With each new season every team gets a clean slate and each ballpark seems to get a clean plate to present their latest food creations. Our Texas Rangers have become infamous for bringing bold additions to the Ballpark menu and this year is no different.

Thankfully, local media and players taste test the new food items then tweet their thoughts on them. So, before you head to the Ballpark and dish out hundreds of dollars trying all the new treats here is what the experts€ had to say about them.

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First, let’s begin with what the Captain Morgan Club has to offer this season.

Jeff Wilson of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram calls this a ‘gut buster’. I’m not entirely sure what is going on here, it looks like a couple of beef patties sandwiched between four pieces of Texas Toast.

Of course, you need a tasty beverage to wash all those carbs down, right? Evan Grant of The Dallas Morning News shows us Captain Morgan Club’s Cannonball and makes sure that we understand it has rum so it must be good! Maybe Grant wanted us to know because it looks like a hot mess of fruits – coconut, grapefruit and pineapple?

Next, the Texas Rangers want to make sure you don’t miss out on the State Fair’s kind of food. This menu is cleverly named State Fare and include the following:

• Fried Twinkies
• Fried S’more with Creme Filled Cookies (I’m guessing Oreos?)
• Chicken-Fried Bacon on a Stick
• Chicken-Fried Corn on the Cob
• Fried Pickles (Unless they’re as good as Razzoo’s I’m out.)
• Funnel Cake Fries (Maybe)
• Brisket Mac and Cheese Balls (Interesting…)
• Fried Chicken Breast on a Stick

Time spent at the ballpark watching your Texas Rangers wouldn’t be complete without…bacon, right? Don’t worry, there will be plenty of bacon for you to try. Today’s menu sample simply said ‘Just Bacon’, but I think it should have read: BACONEXTRAVAGANZA!

• BLT on a Bun (Because bread just isn’t good enough.)
• Bacon Quesadilla
• Bacon and Corn Saute ($8.00)
• Bacon on a Stick
• Bacon Mac and Cheese
• Bacon Cotton Candy
• Bacon Lollipop
• Candied Bacon ($8.25)
• Bacon Saltwater Taffy
• Bacon Sunflower Seeds
• Bacon Beer ($12.00)

Here are few pictures to go with all this mouth-watering baconfied food:

Seriously, $8.00 for some corn with a few pieces of bacon, cilantro and lime?

Admittedly, I’d try this:

Now, I know how strange a ‘Bacon Lollipop’ sounds, but I bought one as a joke for my son’s stocking, however, the joke was on me because he thought it was delicious!

In seasons past, we’ve seen a number of players get a dish named after them. In 2013, Texas gave us The Beltre Buster ($26.00) that was one pound of ground beef, 1/2 pound of bacon, grilled onions and cheese served on a pretzel bun. Then, in 2014 with the signing of Shin-Soo Choo came The CHOOMONGOUS ($26.00) a 24″ Asian Teriyaki marinated beef sandwich topped with spicy cole slaw and creamy Siracha sauce.

This season left-handed pitcher Derek Holland gets his own signature dish – The Holland Hot Tot’Chos. The Tot’Chos appear to be tater tots with jalapeños, sauteed peppers, your choice of steak or chicken and served in a miniature Dutch-Oven for only $17.50. I’m not sure if we’re paying for the tots or the Dutch-Oven?

And, of course, the mini Dutch-Oven:

No matter what you have a taste for the Texas Rangers are sure to have something for everybody. The consensus across the board is: AVOID THE BACON COTTON CANDY!

I know I’d like to try the Bacon Sunflower Seeds with an ice cold Bacon Beer. On second thought, maybe I’ll forego the $12.00 beer I probably won’t like.

NEVER. EVER. QUIT.

Next: Rangers Lineup Enough?